Count on me
by Leto
Summary: Little Joe fic. ^^;; Also has my opinionated view on romance fics, don't read if you're really sensitive or prone to overreacting. ^_^;;


Count on me This fic is fairly uninspiring. Actually, pretty lousy. ^_^;; Why am I posting it? I don't know. I thought it was a waste of time not to. ^_^;;

So, while I'm posting something I might as well post a miniature editorial thing. Romance fics. One thing I don't get is why people write so many of them that are exactly the same as each other. And there's this compulsive need to label them.

That wouldn't be so bad but the real joke is when the summary says something like "Sora is missing her old life, who will be around to comfort her? Sorato." or something like that. Okay that's a bad example but you know what I mean? They answer their own question. ^_^;

I just don't get the need to 'warn' people about the couplings. It ruins the surprise. I guess it's simply become a trend, but it's a weird one to say the least. I mean, a lot of the time people actually write "Taiora" or "Mimato" as if they were warnings. I think people should try to portray characters convincingly and strongly so that the reader will be able to appreciate why the two have been 'paired up' in the fic, and enjoy the fic even if they're not part of the fandom.

It's also completely beyond me how there are fandoms for, say, Mimato and Sorato. Like, whole large GROUPS of people who support them. I'm probably digging myself into a grave here, but... but. Imagination is one thing, but after reading three dozen romance fics (yeah, you might be wondering why I read romance fics if I dislike them, but occasionally one does find good ones and besides - there's not much choice! Like, practically half of Digimon fics are romantic!) with the same plot and the same out-of-character characters...

Okay. Sora/Mimi breaks up with Tai/Matt (or even someone else, if the author is feeling creative -_-;;). They're distraught. They seek comfort from another of the male digidestined who happens to have had a long-term crush on them but couldn't say anything because they were with someone else. Sora/Mimi realises that they loved this person all along, and they kiss, and everything is oh-so-happy.

When I read things like that, I just wonder what the corellation is with the SHOW. It's like, I'm not sure if we're watching the same Digimon here. ^_^; And seriously, I have read a good, oh, ten fics or so with THAT EXACT PLOT.

I know we should all have the freedom to write whatever we want but... I dunno... I just wish there weren't so much superficiality in fanfiction... more originality. I've read some really great fics. Even some that don't have plots, they were well-written and thus enjoyable, but all of them had to use some imagination, not just tired, cliched characters acting the way that fandom portrays them rather than the canon, the show.

I've said my piece. ^_^.

**Count on me**  
by [Leto][1]

I'm afraid. 

That's not so unusual, I guess. 

Ever since I came here, I can't remember more than a few minutes where I ever dared to feel relaxed... and that usually ended with some horrible monster running at us. 

The other kids here are weird. So irresponsible, I think it's all a big adventure to them. Am I the only one who actually cares if I live or die? Nobody else seems to be afraid, really, and that makes me feel worse. Like a real coward. 

The real joke is, they're all younger than me. I know I have to look out for them, but they don't want me to... they respect recklessness more than caution. 

My partner's worse than any of them, except maybe Tai. Doesn't seem to know the meaning of the word 'careful'. He thinks everything's a big joke. They all get on my nerves. 

Still... I guess they've become pretty close, even so. Matt of all people even stayed to help me pay off my debts, although I knew he would much rather have been looking for his brother. I could never imagine becoming friends with someone like Matt, and when he started getting mad at me I knew it was too good to be true. 

But somehow, I knew I had to repay his weeks of kindness. 

That's the way it is with me. Maybe I get my strength from other people. When a situation is really bad and depends on me, I find that's about the only time I can really act. It's not so much that I stop being scared but that I prioritise, and everything feels kind of unreal. 

The memory of the two or three times I've been brave is the one thing that makes me think - just maybe - I wasn't called here by accident. I do want to belong to this team, somehow. 

You know, I always wanted to be a hero but that was just in daydreams. Crazy talk. The second I woke up in the Digiworld with a weird talking seal on my chest, those dreams were gone and now I just want to go home instead. 

Well, I guess I'll get my wish granted. Tomorrow's going to be a big day. Travelling through worlds. I can hear Izzy and Gennai talking in another room, but everyone else seems to be asleep. 

Me? Huh! Who can sleep? I'm exhausted as usual but I think I've turned insomniac since I came here. Nobody's even on guard... we can't assume that we're safe here, who's to say we can even trust Gennai? Why'm I always the one to think about these things... 

It's weird but true: monsters are out to get us. Horrible, LARGE monsters with sharp teeth or the ability to throw flames or shoot water or crush you with monster claws and drain the life out of you before you can even take two steps away... Joe, stop it! 

I was doing it again. Afraid of heights, afraid of the dark, afraid of being alone, afraid of crowds, afraid of bugs, afraid of large killer monsters with a death wish against me... afraid of life. Maybe I have some real problem. When I think about doing something brave my heart pounds and I just feel sick, so sick. 

When that sick feeling grabs me I just can't seem to move. But of course, when I do something sensible like suggest we stay where we are so as not to advertise ourselves as targets, or hide somewhere, nobody else listens. 

Nobody ever listens. 

And I'm supposed to be the oldest. But not the leader. No, I'm not the leader type. I guess it was too much to hope for, that someone might respect my lead or listen to me. I have some ideas too... 

But I guess it doesn't matter. Somehow, even if Tai's energy puts us all in dangerous situations, we manage to scrape through. I guess tough spots are what makes Digimon digivolve. If we go through life protecting ourselves from hardship, nobody gets stronger. 

When it really comes down to it, I know what my real fear is. My current one, that is; there are plenty of fears around here waiting their turn to be number one priority. But today I found out what this crest I'm wearing is. 

Reliability. 

You know, I guess that's fairly predictable. 

But can I live up to it? 

You'd think it would be easy for me, Mr Responsibility. But most of the other kids have had their crests react, and mine hasn't. Is that going to be a problem? 

Everything's a problem. I'm too young to die. But my friends are even younger. You know, I guess they did kind of become friends. Instead of nuisances or the people I was cursed to be stuck with. I wonder when that change took place. I think I want to protect them. 

That's why I'm afraid. My life is pretty dismal anyway. You know pessimists don't have much fun. But their lives are more important than mine. I'm predictable and can be depended on but I never wanted to take responsibility for greater things. Getting my homework done on time is one thing, but taking on the fate of the world is something else. 

It's scary. To think people are actually depending on me for something important. But I want to be strong enough to try. I don't want to find that my fear takes control of me when I need to help someone. 

Most of all, I don't want to fail. I want to be able to be steadfast and reliable like I'm supposed to. They'll be able to count on me. Fear hasn't stopped me yet, I'll do my job. 

Was it my imagination or did my crest just glitter? 

Izzy's back, and settling down to sleep next to Tentomon. I feel my own partner stir, waving his flippers in his sleep as though he's swimming. 

Don't worry, I think. Gomamon, you'll be able to digivolve again soon. 

I curl awkwardly into a ball, hugging Gomamon for warmth, and close my eyes. Everyone is breathing steadily. I suppose I should try to get some sleep too. I guess it is easier to relax when you've got your friends with you. 

We'll count on each other.

   [1]: mailto:leto@nysa.cx



End file.
